Free For All Fridays With "The Raptor"

So the new hostess turned out to be a friggin' psycho.  She was tall and statuesque with a pretty big rack, but she also had an ever present  miserable scowl on her face and the most cold-blooded piercing stare.  Jeff immediately noticed an Alexis Arquette resemblanc: 

Frightening!!!!  

Because of her reptilian demeanor she was dubbed, "The Raptor".

When a co-worker got access to her facebook page we were privy to "sexy" pics that she took of herself kissing a rat!  Yep, amongst all of the other self taken pics of her giving pouty "sexy" faces while half dressed were a few shots of her cuddling up to a rat!  I guess she thought it was cool and edgy but it just cemented her reputation as a cunning reptile.

Like I said, her body was pretty nice. She was tall and busty but the face needed lots of help.

The Raptor had a few odd after work encounters with co-workers and shots of Jameson that only made her seem more bizarre.  Her icy attitude didn't help much with her position as the hostess and she was soon let go to pursue her career as a spokes model: 

jeff, rod

"You Should've Been Gone..."

This poor fool rolled into the bar in his full-on 1984 glory!  Jeff and I jumped at the 

chance to render his unfortunate Steve Perry resemblance! 

In the above picture you will notice he is using Joey's new invention: "The Cockraphone"!

jeff, rod, joey

Rojo Caliente

Thanks to dlisted.com , this vision of beauty was introduced to us!  Rojo (Ms. Caliente, if you're nasty) is Cynthia Nixon's same sex fuck piece.  With gay marriage legal in New York, it shan't be long till we are all gifted with the vision of Rojo in a white tuxedo, I am sure!

jeff, rod

A Big Let Down

jeff

Mama's Boy

jeff

The Lost Art Of Aging Gracefully

rod

Free For All Fridays With "Brown Noseberg"

 The old general manager, "Brown Noseberg", was the world's biggest kiss-ass! It was sickening to see him suck up to the owner of the restaurant and any customers he imagined might know the owner. He was such a shameless brown noser!!  To see a grown man prostrate himself on a daily basis was disgusting! It was just so blatant that we were all kind of embarrassed for him - but not really, cuz he was such a dick!

    

Pucker Up!

rod, jeff, pablo

C'Mon Get Happy!

Groovy Shirley Partridge:

And Her Groovy Family:

rod

Bravolebrities!

Okay, so I know I watch waaay too much TV!  I wish I could say it's mostly public television or documentaries, but we all are now aware of my level of taste!  Enter: "The Bravolebrities" of Bravo TV.  Housewives, designers, chefs, house-flippers, hair dressers, matchmakers, whatever!  I am into all of the ridiculous characters that are laid before us weekly.  

Teresa Guidice

Show: The Real Housewives of New Jersey

Best Known For: Flipping A Table While Screaming "Prostitution Whor-uh!"

Tie: Having The Shortest Forehead On The Eastern Seaboard  

Accessories: Her Over Accessorized Brood Of Mini-Me's

Patti Stanger

Show: The Millionaire Mathmaker

Best Known For: Berating "Schlubby" Millionaires Who Can't Find A Mate 

While Remaining Unable To Find A Man Herself

Accessories: A Whole New Body Resulting From An Extreme Makeover (Yenta Edition?)

Bethenny Frankel

Show(s): The Apprentice: Martha Stewart, The Real Housewives Of New York City,

 Bethenny Getting Married?, Bethenny Ever After, Skating With The Stars (????!!)

Best Known For: Making $120 Million for Squeezing Limes In Tequila!!!!  WTF?!

Accessories: $120 Million!!!!!!!

This is a re-post but I had to include him:

Merlin

Show(s): The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, The Fashion Show

Best Known For: Being A Diminutive Designer/Matador/Imp

Accessories: A Whip And A Riding Crop

rod

Free For All Fridays With "The. Worst. Party. Ever."

So, I was asked to do a Sunday brunch party by Amy, the event planner.  I reluctantly agreed beacause working Sundays suck and people that do brunches suck most of all - it's a known restaurant fact! In addition, I kept hearing horror stories of Amy's dealings with the hostess of the party.  She was a micro-manager with way too much time on her hands.  She would regularly harass Amy with the most unimportant details of her birthday brunch. Yep, hat's right: she was throwing her 50th birthday party for herself! So damn pathetic!  O.C.D. and her upper middle class sense of entitlement made for quite a handful!

The Hostess:

The mother of the hostess of this shindig was a piece of work as well.  She was attached to her hip, second and third guessing every little thing.  Her face was pulled tightly by years of plastic surgery procedures and she seemed to be doped up on Xanax or something.  She had this creepy baby doll like glossy stare.

The Mother:

To put it plainly, this party was chock full of assholes! It ran the gamut from vapid housewives to cunty old bags, all with their hen pecked husbands in tow!  One of the few cool people there was the birthday girl's uncle.  He was a nice old relic but he looked like the reanimated corpse of Milton Berle!

The Uncle:  

Ya know how they say there's one in every bunch? Well imagine what the standout of this roomful of assholes was like!!  She was the uber-bitch!!  Out of a party of 50 some odd people I was responsible for taking the orders for half of the room.  The first person who I approached was this fuck face!  She started in with her demeaning manner telling me that she was allergic to carrots or something and needed to change around the whole menu.  I had been through enough abuse by these jackasses so I wasn't gonna take anymore from her. Long story short: we got into it pretty bad to the point where it turned into a yelling match and I refused to deal with her anymore, sending Amy over to take over! We spent the rest of the afternoon giving each other dirty looks as she talked about me to the other guests at her table and I talked about her to my coworkers and drew these lovely pictures of her!

The Uber-Bitch:

Caked on make-up , a leopard print dress and a broken arm in a sling: now that's a lot of look!!

rod