Oh Baby, In A Bar!

Sung to the tune of Journey's "Oh Sherri"

jeff

The Princess And The Frog

Two best friends that couldn't be more different.

rod

She Will Cut A Bitch!

rod

"Sweet" Mickey LaRue Mondays

Move over Carnie now there's something meatier!

rod

Free For All Fridays With "Asian Babies"

I know, I know!  Smoking babies are soooo 2010.  But I came across this little gem of a pork chop in the satchel and couldn't resist.  Everyone I know loved this kid!  He won the hearts of millions by finally making smoking cool again!  I can't believe this little guy didn't get a reality show out of all this hoopla, or at least a few paid promotional appearances at some clubs.  (A children's show with Joe Camel?)  The real tragedy of this story is that litlle Ardi didn't have a good publicist!

And of course the Chinese couldn't be out done so they applied their unparalleled art of imitation and brought us, Ya Wen.  Yes, at 3 years old, she is a little older but this chain smoking deviant also drinks beer and shoplifts!  God love her!!

This picture of Ya Wen caught in the act was hung in the wait station for over a week and remains to this day Maria's wallpaper picture on her phone.

Here's this little bad ass' story:

A 3-year-old girl in China has become mysteriously addicted to smoking and drinking after a car accident.  Her mother explained the little girl was knocked down by a speeding van last year and suffered a serious head injury.  She woke up a week later and recovered fully after a couple of months - but her mother soon found her secretly smoking cigarettes. She was also caught stealing packs of her father's cigarettes - as well as putting them on their local shop tab after getting caught shoplifting from the store.  The mother said her daughter has now been addicted to smoking for a year and has also taken a liking to drinking and changed her preference in clothes.  "She only likes boy's clothes. If we don't buy them for her, she cries in protest," the mother said.  She also likes drinking.  "Three glasses of beer is no problem to her," she said.

I found this thoughtful prose while researching these little darlings:

"I think the problem I had most with the other little smoking fat kid was that he was out there living it up, enjoying life too much. But Ya looks pretty sad, like she smokes to forget. If a little kid has to smoke, that’s how I want them to look. Stupid Ardi Rizal was running around like he was Jim Belushi reincarnate as a little Sumatran boy who looks vaguely like a Muppet Babies version of Buddha." - Chris Spags, guyism.com

On a slightly more cultural note, remember that chubby Taiwanese kid that blew the roof off with his rendition of Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You"?  

I remember when this story was making the rounds I was watching a news show with my father when this footage came on the screen.  At the point when the camera cuts to an audience member or one of the judges enjoying the performance, my dad, thinking he's being compassionate, says in his Bronx accent, "Aww lookit his fatha! He's so proud!"   I love how his old school brain still works: if there's a chubby Asian kid singing on stage and they show an older Asian man watching him it MUST be his father. Genius!!!

Now, back in America, our young ingenues take things to a different place all together.  This little twink is going for broke singing and carrying on to one of Mariah Carey's nastiest, hoochie-assed songs! (And I know: this kid isn't Asian.  Just let me have this one!)

With my best Bernie Mac impression: "America, this just ain't right!"

And just in keeping with the theme of Asian babies:

Mind you she is white (although she ain't happy about it) and her baby daddy is Ecuadorian.  Amy posted this by the wait station when she was a few months pregnant cuz she swears Asian babies are the cutest!  

rod, amy 

Mike, The Meat Goblin

The meat purveyor for the restaurant is a crotchety codger that we've dubbed "Mike, The Meat Goblin".  This withered old coot is always willing to share a bit of misery with anyone he meets throughout the day.  Tender cuts, tough soul.

jeff

Throwing Shade

jeff

Collar Popped, Blinders On

You sho' nuff not at your yacht club no mo'!

jeff

"Sweet" Mickey LaRue Mondays

rod

Free For All Fridays With "Butt-Fuckin"

"Big sky country"

jeff, joey, amy, rod

One Big Corn Fed Turkey

jeff

Vapid Wench

jeff

Coolest. Old. Dude. Ever.

R.I.P. George

rod

"Sweet" Mickey LaRue Mondays

rod

Free For All Fridays With "Dating Debacles"

So, of course, a brother can't even go on a couple of dates without his friends completely ragging on him, right?  Once Pablo and Jeff found out I had a couple dates lined up they let 'er rip!

And when they found out that this guy's hobby was hunting it was on!!

Pablo's version has me as Max from "Where The Wild Things Are"

Jeff dubbed this one: Night Of The Hunter (with me as Bambi) - for fuck's sake!

So if the first guy became known as "The Hunter", well then it was obvious that the second dude had to therefore be called, "The Gatherer". 

And of course they had to include their version of the "unrequited love" that someone must've been feeling during all of this, because of course all gay guys are interested in all other gay guys! Fuckin' dummies!

pabs, jeff

A Sad First Date

jeff

Thin Blooded Hostess

The new hostess fresh from Florida just couldn't get used to the winter weather up north.  Hot mess would wear full-on winter outerwear throughout her whole shift! She stopped just short of a parka.

rod

Not So Secret Admirer

jeff

"Sweet" Mickey LaRue Mondays

rod

Chippy D

Remember that time when Laurence Fishburne's daughter, Montana Fishburne, decided she would do pornos so she would become famous like our national treasure, Kim Kardashian, and chose the bizarre porn name: Chippy D?  Yeah, me too!

rod, jeff