Free For All Fridays With "Lickety Splitz"

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Fusion Cuisine

An exotic taste.

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Free For All Fridays With Jeff's Walking Dead

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Free For All Fridays With "Jeff's Depraved Drawings"

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...And Have A Nice Day!

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Sweet Tooth

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6:15

If you work with Jeff on Wednesday nights there is one extra task you must perform that's not part of  the side work for the restaurant.  By 6:15 (and no later!!) the diva must have a perfectly made cappuccino, heavy on the cinnamon, with a light dusting of "sugar in the raw" atop the pillowy foam.  Now, for years Maria had worked with him and fulfilled her duties.  To her credit, it was part of a deal she made with Jeff, who worked all day, to save her various crossword puzzles from the daily newspapers. When I took over Maria's Wednesday night shift I unwittingly inherited Jeff's prima donna demands for caffeine! To avoid his "Sling Blade" stare all night, like his bitch, every Wednesday before 6:15 his cappuccino awaits him!

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B.M.O.C.

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A Big Let Down

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Jeff's Cookbook

Try this next Thanksgiving: 

a turkey stuffed with a whole chicken, 

stuffed with a whole duck,

 stuffed with a LIVE Cornish hen:

DER TURCHIDÜCHEN!

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That Time When...

Jeff was skull fucked by a girl scout troop:

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Free For All Fridays With "Scary Mary"

Imagine the most vile, disgraceful creature.

  Let's say, equal parts Nosferatu:

  Alice from the Brady Bunch:

  Kelly Leak from The Bad News Bears:

and Steve Nash: 

- but as a young woman!

  

Take that image with you to sleep and in the dark of night multiply it by 12.  That would only bring you to the edge of the neighborhood of ugly that Scary Mary inhabits!!  She was an inexplicable hire!!!  She was a horrible waitress, for one.  But even if she was a champion server, the repulsive site of her was enough to keep her from any restaurant dining room!  Horse like features, questionable hygiene and the oddest, frail, junkie-like body was what this mess was working with!  I was forced to train her on Mary's first day. I was so damn insulted that this sickening creature was hired as my peer!  To put it mildly, we didn't hit it off.  She closed her first training shift at her new job with 3 shots of Jim Beam!!  Great first impression!!  Soon, Scary Mary moved on to her new shift drink of choice: Absinthe (the original hallucinatory kind)!!!  Once we got to know this demented burn-out, it all made sense!!  Mary didn't last too long (thanks directly to me!), but that, my friends, is a story for another time. 
 For now, enjoy some random portraits of  the vile creature known as, "Scary Mary":

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A Message From The Westboro Baptist Church:

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