the satchel of life: June 2011

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Friday, June 24, 2011

Free For All Fridays With "Caveman Dario"

So, you know those people who are just miserable bastards? That doesn't even begin to describe Dario! What a joyless, wretchedly unhappy dick he was! (And probably still is!) I've dealt with crabby assholes my whole life but I can usually find some angle that softens them a little to show some decency. Not this little prick! Cranky old curmudgeons who've had a lifetime of misery I kinda get. But this guy was young and single and looking for a chick! He was just an old bastard before his time. He earned his name of "Caveman" because of his uncouth, graceless demeanor. He would literally grunt as a response to a question - especially to the customers!!!!! One afternoon he was serving a couple at one of his tables when the man got pissed off that Dario was blatantly staring at his wife the whole time. When he got up to complain to the manager Dario puffed his chest and threatened the guy to a fight! Totally jungle primate style!!! He eventually left us to return to the wild.

joey, rod

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Friday, June 17, 2011

Free For All Fridays With "Ace Blumpkin"

There have been a lot of fools who've been hired at the restaurant over the years - no doubt!! But, Ace Blumpkin takes the cake!! The fact that he was hired as a manager just made it that much more obvious! This poor slob couldn't even manage to keep his delusions straight, so there was no hope that he could manage a busy restaurant with a full staff!

In between his tall tales of his past success in the restaurant world and his future plans to be a middle aged rock star, Ace would wander throughout the restaurant clueless as a babe. He'd be sure to often take a break to consume his favorite food: SOUP.

His constant habit of walking around aimlessly trying to look busy earned him the name of "Roomba".

Incompetence wasn't Ace's only outstanding quality. Nope, this all-star was also a creepy perv! That's right, when he would actually get a few of his brain cells to work in harmony it was usually to a lewd and lecherous end! He would secretly take pictures of ladies' rumps with his cell phone. He would drop lines like, "Every time I speak to a woman, I immediately imagine her naked." But, the crux of his predatory ways came when he insisted on driving the new hostess home after her shift - EVERY shift!! One night, a buzzed Tammis almost fell into his clutches: