Mike, The Meat Goblin

The meat purveyor for the restaurant is a crotchety codger that we've dubbed "Mike, The Meat Goblin".  This withered old coot is always willing to share a bit of misery with anyone he meets throughout the day.  Tender cuts, tough soul.

jeff

Thin Blooded Hostess

The new hostess fresh from Florida just couldn't get used to the winter weather up north.  Hot mess would wear full-on winter outerwear throughout her whole shift! She stopped just short of a parka.

rod

The New Dishwasher

rod

Personal Finance

That time when i walked in on Jorge the busboy counting his money in nothing but black socks and his banana hammock:

rod

Free For All Fridays With "Amy"

So, she's really more like a force of nature than a co-worker.  Anything and everything immediately becomes a possibility the second this "Southern Belle with a twist" walks through the doors!  She has been known to fling herself on the floor behind the bar when one of her most hated customers showed up for a drink, burn the schedule with a candle when it wasn't to her liking, and unsuccessfully try to convince Paul the manager that he was either a hermaphrodite or some kind of tranny!!  Some things to know about Amy:

She "enjoys" a drink:

She has a healthy sexual appetite:

Blanche Devereaux from The Golden Girls is one of her idols:

rod 

The Gun Wielding Maniac

For a short while, Brian: The Gun Wielding Maniac, was the general manager of the restaurant.  He got this name because he carried his gun with him to work each day for no apparent reason.  This guy was a super chill stoner.  You could come in as late as you wanted for your shift, drink on the job, wear something completely different than the assigned uniform and he wouldn't blink an eye.  But heaven help you if  you wrote your shift report in pen and not pencil!  He would absolutely lose his shit!!! I mean seriously freak the fuck out! 

rod

Oliver: The Busboy With A Sordid Past

rod

Miguelito

He's just the littlest, happiest salad guy in all the land! 

I recently polled the staff asking if they'd watch a half hour t.v. show of just Miguelito and puppets. It was a resounding: YES!!!!!  Only Satan, himself, would say no! C'mon!!

rod

Free For All Fridays With "Jack Danielson"

 He reeked of cigarettes, his blood type was Jack Daniels and he was utterly consumed with tracking down some pussy - yet "Jack Danielson" was by far the best manager we ever had at the restaurant!  I always thought he looked like a boozed up Dick Van Dyke,

but some drunk cougar once said he looked like George Clooney and he ran with that for a good 3 years! (A case of serious beer goggles!!! )  

Although he was tasked with so many other responsibilities other than managing the restaurant, like total building maintenance, (Can you say on call 24/7 handyman?) he never allowed it to get in the way of his main priority in life: The Hunt For Poon!

"Jack Danielson" always got the job done - whether it was closing the deal with the ladies or running the show at the restaurant!  Even though his stories about following Phish made you want to slit your own throat and he had a peace sign tramp stamp tattoo(!!!!!!!), you just couldn't help but like the guy.  So, raise a shot of Jack for "Jack Danielson"!

"SERIOUSLY?!"

rod, pabs

Free For All Fridays With "The Raptor"

So the new hostess turned out to be a friggin' psycho.  She was tall and statuesque with a pretty big rack, but she also had an ever present  miserable scowl on her face and the most cold-blooded piercing stare.  Jeff immediately noticed an Alexis Arquette resemblanc: 

Frightening!!!!  

Because of her reptilian demeanor she was dubbed, "The Raptor".

When a co-worker got access to her facebook page we were privy to "sexy" pics that she took of herself kissing a rat!  Yep, amongst all of the other self taken pics of her giving pouty "sexy" faces while half dressed were a few shots of her cuddling up to a rat!  I guess she thought it was cool and edgy but it just cemented her reputation as a cunning reptile.

Like I said, her body was pretty nice. She was tall and busty but the face needed lots of help.

The Raptor had a few odd after work encounters with co-workers and shots of Jameson that only made her seem more bizarre.  Her icy attitude didn't help much with her position as the hostess and she was soon let go to pursue her career as a spokes model: 

jeff, rod

Free For All Fridays With "Brown Noseberg"

 The old general manager, "Brown Noseberg", was the world's biggest kiss-ass! It was sickening to see him suck up to the owner of the restaurant and any customers he imagined might know the owner. He was such a shameless brown noser!!  To see a grown man prostrate himself on a daily basis was disgusting! It was just so blatant that we were all kind of embarrassed for him - but not really, cuz he was such a dick!

    

Pucker Up!

rod, jeff, pablo

Free For All Fridays With "Scary Mary"

Imagine the most vile, disgraceful creature.

  Let's say, equal parts Nosferatu:

  Alice from the Brady Bunch:

  Kelly Leak from The Bad News Bears:

and Steve Nash: 

- but as a young woman!

  

Take that image with you to sleep and in the dark of night multiply it by 12.  That would only bring you to the edge of the neighborhood of ugly that Scary Mary inhabits!!  She was an inexplicable hire!!!  She was a horrible waitress, for one.  But even if she was a champion server, the repulsive site of her was enough to keep her from any restaurant dining room!  Horse like features, questionable hygiene and the oddest, frail, junkie-like body was what this mess was working with!  I was forced to train her on Mary's first day. I was so damn insulted that this sickening creature was hired as my peer!  To put it mildly, we didn't hit it off.  She closed her first training shift at her new job with 3 shots of Jim Beam!!  Great first impression!!  Soon, Scary Mary moved on to her new shift drink of choice: Absinthe (the original hallucinatory kind)!!!  Once we got to know this demented burn-out, it all made sense!!  Mary didn't last too long (thanks directly to me!), but that, my friends, is a story for another time. 
 For now, enjoy some random portraits of  the vile creature known as, "Scary Mary":

jeff, rod